Zanpakuto's Psychosis
by Tsukishiro Yue
Summary: Based on a Bleach RP I'm part of. No canon characters involved. A zanpakuto spirit's insanity grows thin as the events that brought her to her sealing swarm her brain and slowly drive her mad.


This is very, very vaguely a Bleach fanfic, but I didn't feel like messing around with fictionpress, so I'm posting this here.

First, some background. Please read, I'll make it as brief as possible.

This is about a character of mine in a Bleach RP. She is my character's zanpakuto. There's a long history to go with her but the short version is that there was once an actual, singular god. He created her to help him and she was the first shinigami, called the Grim Reaper by some cultures. However, she went against God's orders and created another with her power to help her. She was condemned and banished from the immortal realm, later to be called Soul Society.

In her rage, with the Vasto Lorde she had created, she sought to get revenge and called war on God. It was a big fight and God was greatly injured. In a last move, God sealed her warriors, the hollows, within Hueco Mundo. She herself was sealed within her own sword. Before God died he put the last of his power into the spirits of his most loyal followers, who became the first true shinigami. The Vasto Lorde she had fallen in love with ran out of fear to Hueco Mundo to escape God's wrath.

My shinigami receives this sword as her zanpakuto with this character as her zanpakuto spirit.

Okay, now for the fic. This is my character's, Shirei's, point of view within her sealed weapon. Oh, she's also quite insane.

The song I listened to during this fic's creation is Vague by Orgy. As an alternate, you can also listen to They're Coming To Take Me Away (Funny Farm) by Napoleon XIV. Depends on whether you want the dramatic or psychotic version of this fic.

This is a oneshot, expect only one short chapter to this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Darkness. Sometimes it felt like the only thing around her. Sometimes her inner world seemed normal, a great pagoda in the middle of a great expanse of plains. Very few rocks and trees littered the plain and it seemed to stretch on forever. An imitation of her home... former home... in God's kingdom.

Sometimes, it felt like there was nothing around her and everything around her. She was alone in a great expanse, she was smothered by loneliness.

This was the first sign to her that she was growing mad.

Sometimes the isolation would tear screams from her throat. Terrible, shrieking screams. Heartbreaking screams, were anyone with a heart listening.

Her inner world was almost always a storm. It was impossible to tell the time of day, though if one could guess, just past sundown would be a good assumption. Bright enough to see, dark enough to drive a person crazy. Dark clouds always covered the sky, sometimes bringing depression to her and sometimes ripping open from the sky in the form of a violent storm.

When she cried, it would rain. When she screamed, thunder would sound. When her nails clawed the earth as she crumpled in despair, great gashes would appear along her body.

Her world was her. She was her world. Sometimes the grief would drive her crazy enough to start tearing at her surroundings just to watch herself bleed.

It was all his fault. Actually, it was men that did this to her. The males she got closest to condemned her to this personal hell.

God... she had loved her creator. She had loved him with ever ounce of her being. However, one mistake and that merciful creator flung her to the human world.

She had once been beautiful and pure. Her true form was that of an angel. Two pairs of pristine, white wings... long, silver hair... eyes the color of the bright, endless sky.

Flung to the human world, her appearance seemed to melt from her body. Blackness like tar started to cover her wings, her hair became the color of blood... In her despair the only being that was there for her was her creation, Shoushin. He had held her, had condemned the actions taken upon her, and sought revenge for the both of them. Confused and hurt she fell into him and became entangled. Another male, another betrayal.

They had called war upon God, that Vasto Lorde and herself. They had raised their swords towards God and would have succeeded if not for the release of power. Shirei and her minions had tried to escape... but there was no escape for her. In desperation she had reached out to Shoushin, crying for him to save her, only to watch him run before her very eyes and let her get swallowed by God's power.

She had been used. Those words continued to echo within her mind. _He used me._

For millennia she was cast into complete darkness. The only sound being her heartbeat and her breathing. When she would scream, no sound would come. No sound came from her surroundings. There was no floor, no walls, no ceiling. No beginning, no end.

So long she wished to vanish. She wanted her existence to end.

Then the light came. A being with a bright light, dulled and smothered by the despair and tragedy of death. She reached out to that light. There was no way that she could allow another to take that light instead of her. The zanpakuto containing Shirei flew to the hands of that being and refused to move, forcing her mistress to take her.

And with that, it felt like at last her shackles were removed. Her surroundings drew away from her... the darkness drew away to reveal the pagoda and vast plains.

Her heart howled in rage.

Of all the places for her inner world to look like, it had to be this cursed place. The place where two different men had betrayed her heart.

It was that day that Shirei learned that harming her inner world harmed herself.

It was also that day that the shinigami with possession of her was forced to take her zanpakuto to intensive care in the 12th Division.

The little sanity that felt like it was returning to her dwindled rapidly. The only sanity she held was in talks with her mistress. Her mistress understood loss. Her mistress understood pain, betrayal, and death. While it wasn't permanent or big, her mistress helped heal parts of her battered heart.

Shirei, however, couldn't get over the one she had lost. Her mind often turned to Shoushin, a myriad of emotions rushing through her head. She hated him, she wanted to kill him. However she loved him, she needed him... his betrayal wouldn't have stung so much if that weren't the case. But it _did_ hurt and she wanted him to hurt, too. She wanted him to suffer, to scream... she wanted to see his blood, she wanted him to beg to have her back, she wanted him on his knees begging for mercy, she wanted his body pinning hers down as he took off her clothes, she wanted to rip at his skin with her nails and make him bleed, she wanted him dead, she wanted his love...

Her mind became twisted and warped. To hate was to love, to love was to hate. Pain was love was hate was pain. Her mind began to lack the ability to distinguish between any of these things. If he touched her she would kill him, if he didn't she would despair. If he loved her she would hate him, if he didn't she would hate him all the more.

Unfortunately for him, she didn't know what she wanted from him. Her mind lacked the ability to make such calls any longer. Little did she know that she would soon be seeing him again.

And when that time came, the shit was really going to hit the fan.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

End.

So yeah... very few people are going to understand this fic unless they are in the Bleach RP I'm in. Hope you enjoyed if even for those that didn't understand it.


End file.
